“Grinding the ax” #4 “STRANGLE HOLD”

*Authors note* This series originally posted on “Alabaster Breaking”, my sister site, that no longer exists. I found it very difficult to maintain both sites and just transferred those most to this, my main site. Thank you

“Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest thy be discouraged.” Colossians 3:21

Our fathers, the first and foremost man in our formative years. And if you have a good one, that is great and will be a guaranteed blessing over your entire life. But what about the fathers who are warned in the verse above?

This verse is actually almost verbatim in Ephesians 6:4:” And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath; but bring them up in the nurture (training) and admonition OF the Lord.”  

So we are being told what NOT to do and exactly what we should do. Children who are constantly “ridden” by their parents, who are made to feel whether intentionally or unintentionally that they are never quite good enough, or “perform” well enough to “earn” the love that they should have naturally received from that parent.

I do know this verse specifies fathers, but we know the damage mothers can do is equally as damaging.

And we could pull a truck load of stats on the completely dysfunctional mother/son relationships that are often prominent among serial killers.

So what I want to focus on the relationship of fathers to daughters and the relationships that are formed later in life.

I also want to bring into the mix the fact that often when women have had extremely dominating fathers and whether that consisted of physical abuse alongside the obvious emotional damage that is caused, that seems to put the pattern in place.

But testosterone is a funny thing and soul debilitating dominance lorded over women is not ALWAYS by their fathers. It can come later in life through a boyfriend, husband, or even male friends who can become quite the material for a medieval tale of when black knights begin to suffer from white knight syndrome .

When “friendship” leads to the need to control your life, and demand answers for your every move that is no longer friendship, that IS control. Male dominance has been and is still our toughest battle regardless of what role that male has in our life.

But for some, it is a short path from growing up with a horrid father to marrying an even worse husband.

So how did it start? People taking the word of God and their DISTORTED view of God and applying THEIR carnality to it. Just as God answered it in his word: 

Judges 21:25: “In those days there was no king in Israel: EVERY MAN DID THAT WHICH WAS RIGHT IN HIS OWN EYES.”

And things have certainly NOT been right and are still NOT right.

But with the revelation of Isaiah 33:22: “For the Lord IS our judge, the Lord IS our lawgiver, the Lord IS our king; HE WILL SAVE US.”

We know things can and must change. Cruelty and wickedness hiding behind the disguise of goodness and righteousness is nothing new.

The devil himself pretending through the serpent to be a friend to Eve, the wicked all through the Bible whispering into the ears of those who would hear, plans of how to destroy another and thereby having them also destroy themselves.

“Spare the rod, spoil the child” taken so far out of context and USED specifically as a Biblical justification for nothing more than truly sadistic people to senselessly beat children.

If you doubt me on that, web search a few cases of children being adopted and even born into supposedly christian families taken away, rescued out of horrendous abuse. People have even written books advocating these UNGODLY practices.

The old Testament ALSO had a law on stoning your son.. IF he were  a drunkard.. how many little kids drink again?

Listen what Jesus told the Pharisees when they were hassling him about the OT marriage laws.

Mark 10:3-5; “And he answered and said,unto them, What did Moses command you? and they said, Moses suffered (PERMITTED) to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away. 

And Jesus answered and said unto them, (Because) For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.”

Meaning that they WERE given these severe laws because of their own hardness.

But God reveals His thoughts through His word, James 2:13: “For he SHALL have judgment WITHOUT mercy who hath shewed (shown) NO MERCY; and mercy rejoiceth against (TRIUMPHS OVER) judgment.” 

It is like this, just because we are technically allowed to do something DOES NOT mean that is what God desires for us to do it.

Micah 6:8:” He hath shewed thee, O man, ( all people), what IS good; and what doth (does) the Lord require of thee,  but to do justly and LOVE MERCY (loving kindness),and to walk humbly with thy God? 

So if all of this coupled with stories such as when the angel of the Lord put the smack down on Balaam and lined him out for hitting the donkey (Numbers 22:27-33),  doesn’t prove that God want us to ALL be kind toward each other and to also BE treated kindly, I don’t know what more could.

Just as treating children harshly came from the thoughts of people doing what they wanted.

We also got pulled into the “submission” trap. The Bible does truly say, “wives submit unto your own husbands” but again that is something that has been taken and RAN wild with, as if we were some sort of inferior creation that God placed here for men.

Oh I don’t think so.

Submission means to RESPECT your husband, to care about his feelings and not treat him like dirt, don’t make fun of him, and emotionally emasculate him by being that “brawling” woman spoken of in Proverbs.

God’s intentions for this was that the husband SHOULD be exactly what His word said for him to be.

And in this a husband was to be “submitted” to, as in a place of safety and a place of trust, such as that verse goes on to say “as unto the Lord”.

And I would love to hear the excuses that so many are going to try to give the Lord as to why they betrayed this TRUST that he had given them with their wives and children, and it’s not going to be a pretty picture!

So it DOES NOT mean we are subservient, or a lesser in God’s eyes.

It means that we SHOULD have that protective, nurturing, place if we ever need and at times we all do.

We covered His word in the last post of how He EXPECTS His daughters to be treated and seeing that even in a nation where women have many rights and “hold our own” we can all attest to our numbers of domestic violence, for all the strides we have made, in this area, we have gone backward!

We ARE more free. We HAVE more resources. We HAVE better laws and protection. So what went wrong? Why do we have these statistics that say we are NOT free by any stretch of imagination?

We are still trapped somewhere in our psyches by the lies of the past and the misogynistic teachings of generations before and we want to HIDE that pain and we are giving over to absolutely FALSE sense of shame by not speaking out.

That is what the enemy WANTS and just as he lied to Eve, he is lying to so many women about their past and keeping them in a “strangle hold” that prevents them from moving FORWARD.

Merriam-Webster definition two of the term “STRANGLE HOLD” is this: “A FORCE OR INFLUENCE THAT CHOKES OR SUPPRESSES FREEDOM OF MOVEMENT OR EXPRESSION.”  

If we have that past or are presently living with dominance, harshness, physical, or emotional abuse that is exactly what is happening to us.

The reason the devil has perfected it is because if you have had these experiences with men, especially fathers or husbands, HOW on earth can you “submit” to a being who is male?

When women are brainwashed into BELIEVING that they are subservient and God hates them, why would they seek Him?

The devil bagged and tagged on this one and we have to stop him!

We stop him by NOT taking anyone’s word for who we are or who God created us to be. Study God’s word and discover for yourself!

And when you reach the verses stating that “women are to be silent” and  “i suffer not a woman to teach…” STUDY the background with a good dictionary/history Bible and you will find that Paul was talking to a specific group of people AT THAT TIME. Because a group of women were “gunning” for him and trying to bring in false teachings and for that PERIOD IN TIME, he forbade them to speak so he could PROTECT the Gospel.

Need a little more reassurance, dig this, Galatians 3:23,28: “But before faith came, we were kept under the law, shut up unto the faith that should afterwards be revealed.

Wherefore  the law was our schoolmaster to bring us unto Christ, that we might be justified by faith.

But after THAT faith is come, we are no longer under a schoolmaster. For YE ALL ARE THE CHILDREN OF GOD by faith in Jesus Christ. 

For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ, have put on Christ.  There is NEITHER Jew nor Greek,  there is NEITHER bond nor free, THERE IS NEITHER MALE NOR FEMALE; FOR YE ARE ALL ONE IN CHRIST.”

That is a good verse to put to anyone who wants to argue Paul’s teachings with you…. he wrote that. He wrote the verses used to silence women and he wrote the verse that proved otherwise,  all true, but taken out of context by those who WANT to twist those verses to justify their own prejudices.

It’s time to separate God from the men who claim to represent him! If you are dealing with these issues or dealing with the past issues, PLEASE talk to Him, talk to Him just as if he were in the room sitting there.

I promise He does hear and tell Him how you feel, TRUTHFULLY how you feel, if you end up in tears and “I HATE…” starts coming out of your mouth, LET IT COME because the only way we recover is through submitting that to God and HE KNOWS how we feel and when you have been hurt and are trying to work past it.

God is not going to hold that against you, it is normal to feel that way and once you let it go, you will NO LONGER feel that.

But you have to get it out, ALL of it, at His feet, Hebrews 4:15: “For we have NOT an high priest which cannot be touched WITH THE FEELINGS OF OUR INFIRMITIES…” 

Which means Jesus suffered through all the things we do and HE DOES UNDERSTAND any possible thing you could tell Him and he understands with love, compassion, and gentleness toward you and He wants to take it away and give you peace and be those protective arms that hold you through your tears.

But first we must decide that we are slaves no more and no more will we live in the devil’s strangle hold.

There is NO shame in having been a victim and there is courage in admitting that you are a survivor. There is NO shame in needing out NOW and fear is perfectly normal when fighting for your freedom.

We just have to decide which we are WILLING to be. Think about these verses: Isaiah 53:4-6,11: ” Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed; neither shall thou be confounded (disgraced); for thou shalt not be put to shame; for thou SHALT FORGET the shame of thy youth, and SHALT NOT REMEMBER the reproach of thy widowhood any more. 

For thy Maker is thine husband; the Lord of hosts is his name; and the Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called. 

For the Lord hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused (suffered rejection) saith thy God.  

O thou afflicted, tossed with tempest, (tormented and battered by ‘storm”)  and NOT comforted. behold, I WILL lay thy stones with fair colours, and lay thy FOUNDATIONS with sapphires.”

He knows, and He alone can give us that comfort that we have not been given, He alone see the pain of every season we can go through.

And He alone can lay for us that beautiful foundation, built upon Him and His TRUTH. Trust Him, know Him and most of all, let Him know you!

Related posts: “Grinding the ax” 1 “acknowledgement”

“Grinding the ax” 2… “Real Love?”

“Grinding the ax” #3 “Anger Danger”

 

God Bless you and thanks for reading, next time, I’ll practice what I preach and get into “Broken”. Love and Peace!

Εξυπνιζω NBJ 2017

 

 

“Grinding the ax” 1 “acknowledgement”

*Authors note* This series originally posted on “Alabaster Breaking”, my sister site, that no longer exists. I found it very difficult to maintain both sites and just transferred those posts to this, my main site. Thank you

2 Peter 2:19 (a): “For of whom a man (person) is overcome, of the same is he brought in bondage.”

So many women either are there, have been there, and done that, and keep going back and doing it again, and again.

Why do so many have problems with this issue?

This does cross-reference to sin but it can apply to many situations in life. And that is exactly what I am using it for.

Domestic violence and unhealthy relationships that so many get trapped in and KEEP getting trapped in.

The psychology behind all this is truly mind numbing, you could study it from every possible angle and condition and still never truly understand what makes people evil or what makes people stay in relationships with evil people.

But Biblically, we have EXTREMELY clear answers but as we know often these answers have been twisted through the years to fit into a religious male agenda.

And I am not saying all Christian guys, pastors, or teachers hold these views. FAR FROM IT, but the ones who have held those views, more so in the days of old have more than damaged the cause for women’s rights and equality.

Women are destroying themselves, staying in theses relationships, allowing these false beliefs and false views on what they should be, need to be, and especially are expected of God to be.

This is such a double-edged sword topic because I know of a certainty many women who are feminists want NOTHING to do with God because of these falsely taught beliefs and then others suffer in these relationship because they BELIEVE God expects them too.

And it is ALL wrong, wrong, and wrong!

And after “refreshing” my brain with the new stats, obviously whatever we are doing as a society is NOT working.

Common knowledge abusers often came from home of abuse. Men who as children saw their mothers abused by their fathers. Women who as children witnessing the abuse of their mothers.

And everyone growing up with all the wiring and all the wrong data being programmed into them and when they are faced with the same situation later in life that default reaction takes over.

Not always, but often and you can trace the “target” on one’s head that attracts predators to some other traumatic event, but nevertheless, it is still a target.

Here’s some stats: The leading cause of injuries for women in the United States is abuse, to the tune of around slightly over four billion dollars a year being spent on medical costs of those abuse.

Every nine seconds a woman is beaten or assaulted.

Worldwide, one in three women are beaten or coerced into sex or other forced activity. 

Threats or threatened suicide by their boyfriend affect one in five teenage girls.

One in four women suffer violent attacks at least once in their lifetime, usually before the age of twenty-five.

One in ten women are raped by their partners. Men who beat their partners and ALSO beat their children are a staggering sixty-two percent.

And pets are also usually victimized. {which should be an easy one, IF a guy hurts you, he sure as Hades isn’t going to care who else he hurts, ESPECIALLY someone you love, these people ARE evil and we must realize that}

And for the record, if you are in one of these relationships, as the adult, it is your responsibility to not only get yourself out of this relationship but you are the ONLY way of getting the children, pets, and whoever else that may be vulnerable and unable to take action for themselves, out of harm’s way. These people are not going to change, until they want to change and  there is NO SUCH THING as toughing it out for the children.

As the Bible states, Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and (even) when HE IS OLD, HE WILL NOT DEPART FROM IT.”

It does not matter what school or society teaches, what shapes all of us is what OUR parents teach us and what we learn in our own homes. And that can take a lifetime to overcome if it is not the RIGHT teachings and how to correctly, respectfully interact with one another.

They are being damaged with every passing moment they are subjected to this dysfunctional lifestyle and if you want your son to grow up to batter the women in his life  just keep letting him to see his father or any man beat you.

And if you want to almost guarantee your daughter to be someone’s future punching bag then keep allowing her to see you beaten and verbally abused and YOUR responses in taking him back time after time after time and trying to hold it all together with the age-old excuse “He doesn’t mean it”, or “He loves us in his own way.” 

He does MEAN it and He does not love anyone but himself.

I am sorry but NO ONE NEEDS ANY ONE SO MUCH THAT THEY WILL LITERALLY RISK THEIR LIVES RATHER THAN GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP.

 Love does not hit and love should never hurt.(but we’ll get into what the Bible teaches on that in a following post in this series) loneliness, fear, not being “able to make it without them” are not valid excuses, and I did say excuse because we have to quit making excuses for them, that’s why we have an epidemic.

Would you not want protection from a stranger that just walked up to you and beat you senseless?

Would you not want that person prosecuted so that he could not hurt anyone else? There is NO difference, the only difference is the difference we make in justifying it.  

Men whose fathers abused their mothers have double the rate of abusing women. Women are not always the victim of a father, husband, or boyfriend.

Talk about “friends like that…” fifty-three percent of rapes are committed against women by their “friends”.

 Thirty-six percent of women who have reported aggravated assaults have been assaulted by their “friends”.

And twenty-two percent of  the women who are murdered are murdered by their “friends”. 

It’s not just family, and friends, twenty-four percent of stalking victims are stalked by acquaintances and thirteen percent are stalked by complete strangers.

Even with all these truly horrific numbers the most terrifying thought is that we allow it. 

 We allow it individually and we allow it as a society and  women who have been subjected to  a lifetime of abuse, often going from growing up with an abusive father, marrying an abusive husband, or dating abusive men, (often the same kind of man, over and over) and finally finding themselves in a place of hopelessness with no self-esteem, riddled with false guilt and false shame trapped in a prison of the mind. And I want to show you through this series that God does NOT want that for you.

And for other women, even after overcoming the original bondage of abuse, still become entangled in other relationships and self depreciating patterns that are just as deadly and just as damaging to the soul. 

But hopefully this is a “thinking point” and if you are in this situation, please get out and I know that is sometimes easier said than done. But get out and allow Jesus to start that healing process and again we’ll get into a lot of Bible teachings about how God WANTS you to be treated and believe me it is with the highest love, respect, and absolutely cherished.

And we’ll look at how trying to live with damaged souls, not dealing with that damage, only lead us to more snares and pitfalls.

And explain the title a little better.

Information taken from below listed sources and I encourage for more information to check out these sites and learn more, especially the warning signs that you could be in a dangerous relationship. Please join me next time and until then please check out the song below. Our ONLY peace…..

Εξυπνιζω NBJ 2017

To read this entire series:

“Grinding the ax” 2… “Real Love?”

“Grinding the ax” #3 “Anger Danger”

“Grinding the ax” #4 “STRANGLE HOLD”

Information taken from the following sources:

domestic violence statics .org

ace treatment centers.org 

ending stalking in america (esia). org

There are countless resources on this subject.