We all know the old saying about sticks and stones, and what a wonderful gesture to encourage that words will do no harm.
But sticks and stones will break many things and words can shatter hearts.
This is going to be one of those not quite so comfortable subjects that so truly needs addressed.
For some who grew up in true Christian homes of sibling love, and harmony, I salute you and I am happy for what you do not understand but for the rest and the majority we’re gonna deal with bad blood.
The questionable point when sibling rivalry and normal competitiveness between family members turns not so friendly and the blood of your truest most formidable enemy is shared through your own veins and the hatred that pierces your heart through the words the Bible refers to as “of a piercing of a sword” and they are much worse than the sword of an enemy because we unfortunately have a built-in pack need to belong, fit in and be accepted.
Even in the most together families, there is usually one or two that have issues with each other that affect the entire family.
I have seriously thought about whether this is a bigger issue for males or females, because there are stories of males bullied and pushed a little too far by abusive older brothers and yet for females with one or sometimes two misogynistic siblings the damage done can far outweigh the normal relationship with the “good” siblings and this pattern can be seen over and over, and often traced back through a complete bloody bloodline of bad blood between “brothers” for generations. It is a story almost as old as time, I think it goes back even farther than Cain and Abel, I think it goes back to the war in heaven, the rebellion of Lucifer as he took one-third of the servants of heaven with him.
His jealousy and rage and as now his accusations against the children of God, so clearly seen in the verbal abuse in domestic situations and his need to attempt to control those around him so crystal clear in the lives of those who wish to control others through this kind of abuse which can turn violent and physical at the drop of a hat.
Our biggest obstacle to overcome, the name itself, “Domestic”, what does that even mean? Tame violence? Tame belittling?
Homegrown heartache and as long as it’s not a stranger cussing you out then it is just domestic, no big deal, just deal with it. That is what it means. As Christians we are taught by Christ to love those who hate us and pray for those that use us and bless those who curse us, but I truly do not believe that he meant for us to be the family door mat or the emotional whipping boy who hears it if the sun doesn’t shine the right way.
The Bible also teaches to “Give no place to the devil” and to resist him and he will flee from you, there are countless scriptures I give with this series as proof that we do not have to have contact with them and to stay away from violent, mean people who only want to hurt you.
Through time women have stayed with abusive husbands because they made a vow that it was forever, but again why on earth would Jesus take all those stripes, all that pain and die on that cross to save us, so we then could live life with someone of the devil that beats on us, either with fists or words? Never going to get me to buy that story!
Now, we have to deal with family, like abusive husbands only you can’t divorce them but I tell you what you can do, SEE it for what it is. When we don’t have Christ they have us locked into their game, an ongoing test of the wills to see who is “strongest” or who will bend first, it is like running with wolves, they consider tears a weakness and when your down the whole pack turns on you.
That is what Satan wants.
His objective is to poison your blood with the same poison he managed to inject into theirs, probably through the same sadistic,systematic mind games and through the endless hail of heartless words and of course it just wouldn’t work without the endless, never-ending accusation that it is really YOU! Because YOU think your better than them and all the words designed to instill guilt (that does not belong to you) and play on that lack of self-worth that has already been successfully driven into your brain and whatever else is thrown at you, he hopes to beat any gentleness,or compassion, and anything remotely decent out of you until he has YOU become exactly what your abuser is and that is his plan and that is scary.
But once we accept Jesus they want even more to destroy you because now they have no one to play with since you are a new creature and are working toward crucifying your flesh, so now the enemy has a double motive.
Trap #1. If he can get you to break and hit back and attack them out of the same pain and anger that held you in bondage before, if you are not very careful he can make you fall spiritually, if you are passive-aggressive and he can mange to get you into attack mode he can have you being the aggressor or getting so angry just wanting it to stop that you will cause more damage than can be undone.
Trap #2 The old blood is thicker than water routine and convince you that it is your job to get them saved and that if you are just nice to them and tolerate them and put up with their abuse, you will be leading them to God and if you fail to let them hang out with you wasted and treat you like dirt than you are not being very kind and if they die they will die lost and it will be YOUR FAULT! Not true! We can’t get anyone saved only Jesus can do that! We can be a light but when someone is high, belligerent, and mean, raising Hades on you, how can they see that light through their own anger? Soft answers do turn away wrath but once you give that answer turn yourself away also. Jesus did not fool with demons, he did not carry on conversations with them, he cast them out and there are times in our life that we must see these things for what they are, traps, demonic traps that the enemy is using to try to keep us in the same bondage that God delivered us from!
Jesus wants us to have peace and joy unspeakable and delivers us from all fear,and we must not allow the enemy to convince us that blood is blood and to be a “good” Christian requires us to endure these things. So please just say No to that ingrained false belief that by letting them torment you that your are somehow helping their soul and that one day they will love you, accept it for what it is and don’t fall for the traps.
Never tolerate a behavior from a family member that you would not tolerate from a stranger and just as you sure wouldn’t keep going back to the same store that the owner had just the week before called you useless hussy (of course that is a language clean up) now would you?
Next time we’ll start making Biblical sense of this, stories of what others went through and how to put our trust in God and allow him to heal us and be all that we need.
Φλογιζω NBJ.2015 Original post date: 11/10/2015 REVISITED 11/13/2021, I wanted to revisited several of these posts, as I had originally written them to address the topic dysfunctional and toxic relationships and the dread it can make of holidays approaching.I will be revisiting this series over the course of this week, but several are linked below, which link to the others in that particular series.
I do pray if you are wrestling with this dilemma that these posts will be not only a comfort, but an encouragement to you. Jesus is the Prince of Peace and peace is exactly what he wants for you, so have your joy in a relationship with him and do not allow yourself to be treated as less than the precious life that he created you to be. Φλογιζω NBJ/2021 Rev. Nina Brown Johnson
For more in this series, check out this posts: BLOOD BROTHERS , Sticks & Stones part 3, Anger Danger, Strangle Hold