“For the ways of a man are before the eyes of the Lord, and he pondereth (observes) all of his goings. His own iniquities shall take (entrap) the wicked himself, and he shall be holden (caught) with the cords (binding ropes) of his own sin.” Proverbs 5:21,22
Going to go a little in reverse with these scriptures. But I do have a question, why is ABUSE among family or spouses “domestic” abuse?
Of course I am being a little flip here, but does it mean it is “tame” and completely unlike random “stranger” attacks? Is is permissible BECAUSE it is interwoven into a family unit? Obviously so and THAT is the problem and THAT is why we are so quick to dismiss it.
But as I said with the start of this. GOD DOES NOT WANT YOU TO BE ABUSED, MISTREATED IN ANY WAY, OR EVEN MILDLY “TALKED DOWN” TO.
I have asked this question many times, but if God wanted this for ANYONE, male or female (because there ARE many abused men also) why on earth would Jesus have allowed Himself to be tortured and beaten before the crucifixion?
WHY would He had went through that IF His will was for His children to be in abusive relationships?
And so many women have suffered senselessly having been BRAINWASHED by the notion that this IS God’s will because they had taken vows.
What about the common “To LOVE, HONOR, and CHERISH” vow, most men have taken?
And of course we are all outraged at the treatment women suffer through in many more oppressed parts of the world, (as WE should be) BUT if as Americans our rates of abuse are through the roof, HOW can we encourage and be examples to others to fight for that freedom, if we allow ourselves to be victims behind closed doors?
Got to get our own houses in order before we tell others how to arrange their furniture.
And people could ask of me, what gives me a right to speak about any of it, well, as with this blog’s title, I have learned a lot at the feet of Jesus, and I have been through A LOT and I can point to my own teen years, restraining order and later living through the nightmare of acquaintance stalking (which I will probably share my story soon about, that one is still a tough one and I have wrestled with just how far I want to go with that).
But through it all, Those experiences ARE what lead me to God and how I do understand the”cause and effect” of the aftermath of falling into the traps the enemy has set for us and the self-destructive road it will lead us down, IF we do not seek divine intervention BEFORE we hit that intersection.
We all start in the SAME place, we want to be loved and we want to be accepted but people who have been hurt, and wounded TEND to attract predators and the reason for this, as it was explained to me, is that they literally sense that vulnerability in you and this explains why it is OVER and OVER and OVER for so many UNTIL the let the Lord break that yoke.
Because it IS a yoke. And it IS a yoke of desiring freedom for others BUT believing deep down inside that you yourself DO NOT deserve that freedom and that mindset is just part of the grand trap and I know with the American numbers of one in three women who ARE living in these relationships, obviously someone or many someones FEEL this way.
My starting verse I chose because of something a guy actually told me once that his girlfriend had said to him, and people wear many “faces” and usually the guys we come to discover have been so dreadful to their mates ARE the very ones, most likely voted to be, well, “less likely” and have high praise from others and with the same eeriness that interviewed neighbors of serial killers often portray, the echoed words are usually, “He SEEMED like such a great guy…..” and statements such as, “He was ALWAYS polite and courteous….” classic!
And Lucifer was ALSO the most beautiful of God’s creations and can TRANSFORM into an “angel of light” BUT he is still the same old evil being, just dressed up in a more appealing costume.
That is the thing, UNTIL we as a society and individuals DECIDE to have a zero tolerance for how we allow OURSELVES to be treated, it is not going to stop.
The cycles are not going to end and without God and determination that it stops, those generational chains of not only being prone to becoming an abuser but also those chains of being psychologically prone to becoming a victim, are never going to come off.
And everyone HAS to stop making excuses for others, male, female, whatever. If you feel like you have to make excuses for how they treat you, YOU DO NOT NEED THAT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE.
I want to break this into two groups. Marital and non-martial. But we run into one more problem that needs dealt with when tackling this subject.
God INTENDED for sexual relationships to be under the sanctification of marriage, SO if you are in a relationship that has become sexual, SPIRITUALLY, you ARE already “married” to that person and the soul damage is still going to be just as great.
Everyone likes to argue the fact, that you don’t “need a piece of paper” to prove love.
Well, in this case, is not the paper, it IS the act of consummation that does it.
Satan has turned people against marriage and commitment based on the “freedom” theory.
The lack of marriage does NOT protect you from anything and can actually set people up for far worse.
So we are running our scriptures from that point, the word of God concerning, men, women, love, and marriage.
MARRIAGE: 1 Corinthians 7: 2-15: ” Nevertheless, to avoid fornication (which IS still a sin, regardless of what the world has to say) let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
Let the husband render due benevolence (affection); and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
The wife hath not power over her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife {are you seeing this is MUTUAL teaching?}
Defraud (deprive) ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that satan tempt you NOT for your incontinency.
But I speak this by permission, and NOT of commandment. {Paul was expressly HIS heart-felt beliefs on the subject}
For I would (wish) that all were even as myself (celibate). But every man (person) hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say this to the unmarried and widows.
It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they can not contain (exercise control), let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn (with passion).
And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
But and IF she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away (divorce) his wife.
But to the rest speak I, not the Lord; If any brother hath a wife that believeth NOT, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him NOT put her away.
And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and he be pleased to dwell with her, let her NOT leave him.
For the unbelieving husband IS sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife IS sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
But if the unbelieving depart, LET HIM DEPART. A brother or sister IS NOT under bondage in SUCH cases: but GOD HATH CALLED US TO PEACE.”
You can see from these scriptures that there IS equality and that there IS times that we should part ways with each other. Paul was so careful to address the differences between what is acceptable for believers and for those who are not yet.
But NO ONE is under bondage to another human being.
Same chapter, verse 23, declares this beautifully: “Ye are BOUGHT with a price; BE YE NOT SERVANTS OF MEN.”
Think about the starter verse from part 1 in this series, ” ..for OF whom a man (person) IS overcome, OF THE SAME IS HE BROUGHT IN BONDAGE.”
God DOES deliver us, God saves us, BUT if we can easily allow ourselves snared BACK into that same trap and just stick the title of “love” on it.
Bad relationships have NOTHING to do with love. Think about these verses:
1 John 4:18: “There is NO fear in love; but perfect love (God’s love) casteth OUT fear; because FEAR HATH TORMENT….”
1 Corinthians 13 :4-8: “Charity (LOVE) suffereth long (long-suffering means endurance in difficult situations), and IS KIND; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not: (doesn’t brag on) itself, is NOT puffed up (prideful).
Doth NOT behave itself unseemly (rudely). seeketh NOT her own (isn’t self absorbed), is NOT easily provoked (does NOT fly into fits of rage), thinketh NO evil;
Rejoiceth NOT in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
Beareth all things, Believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity (LOVE) NEVER FAILS….”
So back to the beginning.. WHAT exactly does the Lord see when He sees interactions between couples?
Malachi 2:14,15: “Yet ye say, Wherefore (why)? Because the Lord HAS BEEN WITNESS BETWEEN THEE AND THE WIFE OF THY YOUTH, AGAINST WHOM THOU HAST DEALT TREACHEROUSLY;
YET, SHE IS THY COMPANION, AND THE WIFE OF THY COVENANT.
And did he not make one? { God’s marriage commandment that TWO SHALL BECOME AS ONE} Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed (children). THEREFORE TAKE HEED TO YOUR SPIRIT, AND LET NONE DEAL TREACHEROUSLY AGAINST THE WIFE OF HIS YOUTH.”
Colossians 3:11: “Husbands LOVE your wives and BE NOT BITTER AGAINST THEM.”
EPHESIANS 5:25-33: “Husbands LOVE your wives, EVEN AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH, AND GAVE HIMSELF FOR IT:
That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word. That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
SO OUGHT MEN TO LOVE THEIR WIVES AS THEIR OWN BODIES, He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
For NO man ever yet hate his own flesh; but NOURISHETH AND CHERISHETH IT, EVEN AS THE LORD THE CHURCH:
FOR WE ARE MEMBERS OF HIS BODY, HIS FLESH, AND OF HIS BONES,
FOR THIS CAUSE SHALL A MAN LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER, AND SHALL BE JOINED UNTO HIS WIFE, AND THEY TWO SHALL BE ONE FLESH.
This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
Nevertheless LET EVERY ONE OF YOU IN PARTICULAR SO LOVE HIS WIFE EVEN AS HIMSELF; AND THE WIFE SEE THAT SHE REVERENCES (RESPECTS) HER HUSBAND.”
Ask yourself this, does the relationship you are in fit THIS criteria?
Does the love you feel from the other person fit THIS criteria?
Or does that “love” come with the “torment” of fear?
Think about it and please join me next time and we’ll see what the Bible says about dealing with angry people,and the truth about submission, you might be quite surprised.
Εξυπνιζω NBJ 2017
To read series: “Grinding the ax” 1 “acknowledgement”
“Grinding the ax” #3 “Anger Danger”
“Grinding the ax” #4 “STRANGLE HOLD”
*Authors note* This series originally posted on “Alabaster Breaking”, my sister site, that no longer exists. I found it very difficult to maintain both sites and just transferred those posts to this, my main site. Thank you
Revisited post: 6/13/2019
Thanks for reading Φλογιζω! For posts dealing with a multitude of subjects please check out the side menu on desktop or on a mobile device, please click any post title and once it opens scroll to bottom of screen for links to other options. If you have been encouraged please considering sharing post via any option below. God Bless you! Rev. Nina Brown Johnson
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